The last six months were long ones.
Quarter 3 particularly was a busy one. During that time, I made 10 trips and it took its toll. It’s rare that I travel this often, usually, I prefer to stay in a place for six weeks at a time just so that I’m able to build up momentum and get more stuff done. But for the first time in years, I almost subconsciously prioritized traveling over stability and I think it’s because I just don’t like Phnom Penh much.
People over Places
While moving to Phnom Penh at first was easy, having lived here for seven months now, in terms of quality of life it ranks poorly against the other South East Asians places that I’ve lived in and visited. I thought before that it didn’t matter where I lived since my daily life would stay the same. But somehow since being here in Phnom Penh I’ve noticed much lower energy and concentration levels, an increase in moodiness and a desire to travel, to the point where I considered leaving Phnom Penh earlier than planned.
Yet it didn’t happen, instead extending my time here, and the biggest reason for that came down to people. Phnom Penh isn’t my favorite place, but two people especially made my time here memorable. The first person is Steve. Although I consider him one of my best friends, we’ve never lived in the same city before and so the ridiculous stories, banter, and random trips have been a major highlight of the past few months.
Friendships as adults are hard. Given how much time, effort and chemistry is needed to make them happen, perhaps it’s no surprise. Even with all my traveling and meeting new people during the past 12 months, I’ve only met two more people I consider as close friends (Mel, Vince – you guys are the best) and I believe even then, I’m still incredibly lucky that things turned out this way. Knowing this, it’s worth investing in those friendships, even if it comes with a cost.
Flexibility over Certainty
The other person who has made Phnom Penh memorable is Alyssa.
Dating, in general, is tricky – so many things must fall into place for something to even have the chance to work and finding a connection with somebody doesn’t happen all that often. Cambodia was never a long-term part of my plans and so originally, I wasn’t thinking about anything committed. Yet the world works in weird ways, and I’m grateful that we’ve found a way to make this happen.
Relationships while being abroad though does add a whole new layer of complexity. Neither of us sees Cambodia as a long-term base and so as things progress, there’ll be a need for flexibility and understanding on both sides as sacrifices are made for a greater whole.
Being both stubborn and a long-term planner, I’m not one to change plans easily. Originally after Cambodia, I had ideas about spending time in Japan, US and France. Given where I was in life when I planned this out, it was a good plan. Yet, it would be naïve to follow a plan that didn’t consider new factors coming up just because it was already made – something that perhaps in previous years, I would have done.
Lyss is one of few people who can get me out of my own head and motivate me to live a more balanced, considerate life; for that alone I’m grateful for her presence in my life. More than that though, it’s appreciating the rare opportunity to be a part of something more meaningful than either of us could have conceived individually.
Does this mean I’m giving up everything I had previously planned? No, and I don’t expect her to either, after all a relationship is comprised of two individuals, and we need to both be happy and fulfilled already for the relationship to flourish. But at heart, I’m a romantic and so while it means introducing a bit of uncertainty and limitations, the potential of our relationship is far more appealing the certainty of plans previously made.
Today over Tomorrow
Making these decisions, I think also marked a turning point in how I approach life.
For the last 10 years or so, life was always about the future. Whether it was getting into college, building businesses, picking up new skills or living abroad, everything I did was making sure the future would be better than the present. I prized my ability to delay gratification, figuring that suffering today would make tomorrow all the more worth it.
Yet, while it worked to a certain degree, there are two problems with approaching life like this. The first problem is the future is never as good as imagined. No matter how perfect, a better tomorrow will never measure up to the utopia created in our heads and so betting our wellbeing on a promise that will never arrive is just setting ourselves up for failure. More importantly though, this perspective also meant deciding that the present wasn’t good enough and that something else out there would make things better. While it seems like an inconsequential thought pattern, compounded over many years, it meant I perpetually sacrificed today for tomorrow and missed out on the many gifts that being present had to offer.
But no more. These last six months provided a combination the experiences necessary to gain fresh perspective while also finally realizing much of the independence and achievement that I’ve wanted for the past 10 years. Shifting mindsets is never an easy thing, yet it made me more appreciative of the good things and people who I have in my life which I’m grateful for.
Going forward I’ll always work towards a better tomorrow, but it’ll just never again be at the cost of enjoying today.