If there’s one word that can summarize this past quarter, it’s stressful.
Moving from Chiang Mai to Bali with three weeks in Hong Kong as well as making two additional side trips was stressful. Juggling my time to so I could be with all the people who I care about in each place was stressful. Striving, but not reaching the goals I had original set for Quarter 1 was stressful.
And a result of that stress, I feel regret.
Trying to do everything meant that I inevitable couldn’t do things well and found myself in a negative mood a lot of the time. For people whom I care about, a lot of times I wasn’t engaged with my friends and family in Hong Kong or present as a partner for Ash. For the places that I traveled to, it was occasionally hard to appreciate the beauty of places like Tagaytay and Nusa Penida because I was distracted. For my goals, moving around meant I couldn’t get the rhythm and routines, and so found it hard to be dedicated.
Writing out these regrets, a part of me can’t help but view stress as the enemy. If I tried to do less, then perhaps I would feel less stress and wouldn’t feel as much regret. Yet, while it’s easy to see stress as a negative thing, it’s important to understand why stress is important and what role it plays in our lives.
The importance of stress
The first point to acknowledge is that both stress and regret are inevitable. Life is dynamic and since change is uncomfortable, we feel stress. When change happens, either we make choices or choices are made for us, yet because we can imagine dozens of possibilities but can only take one path, sooner or later we feel regret. I recently found out that my maternal grandmother is now paralyzed from legs down. My paternal grandmother is already basically paralyzed. Just imagining how being trapped in their own bodies is stressful. Yet while I’m fortunate enough to still have all four grandparents, they’re all in their late 80s — how much longer will I have with them? By living abroad, I don’t spend much time with them and so I regret that I can’t be as present in their lives. Yet if I were to stay in Hong Kong, I’d regret not pursuing my dreams and goals and would grow resentful. Either way, trying to live a stress and regret free life is at best delusional and at worse abdicating responsibility for our choices. Given that, it’s important to acknowledge whatever choices I make, whether it’s my current set of problems or another set, stress and regret are inevitable and it’s my responsibility to own both, rather than try to run away from it.
The second point to acknowledge is that stress is necessary. Much like how a muscle can only grow when it’s stressed, we as humans can only grow when we’re pushed beyond our limits and without growth, life isn’t worth living. While each one of my objectives was manageable individually, the most stressful part of this past quarter has been simultaneously managing and juggling my objectives. In this blog post, Jason Cohen defines a Big Thing as a Job, Kids, Spouse, Social Life, Major Hobby or Startup and stated that “You can have two “Big Things” in your life, but not three.” Cohen believes that the limiting factor is time, stating that 40+ hours a week is needed for each Big Thing. While I don’t agree with the time investment necessary for each Big Thing, there is a limit as to how many things can be done at once and in a way, I suffered this quarter because I didn’t adhere to the “two big thing” rule. With that said, I do believe it’s possible to have multiple big things in life if I’m deliberate how I manage my time and energy. I’m always going to want to achieve more and so that means becoming better at managing that stress in a positive manner so I can manage multiple objectives at once.
The third, and perhaps most important point to acknowledge though, is that I choose my own stress. For the past eight years, the theme that underpinned all my goals was to have a self-earned and time-independent income that would allow me to grow my personal and financial assets as well as experience life broadly. After this past quarter, through a combination of my companies’ profitability and the reduced living expenses here in South East Asia, at this stage in my life, I worry significantly less about money. It’s something that I’ve wanted a long time and so I’m glad that it’s finally happened, but Nat Eliason perfectly summed up what I feel with this quote, “As long as I needed an income, it was easy to ignore that I wasn’t working on anything important, but once I stopped needing the money, I had to start asking myself more seriously if that was what I wanted to spend my time on.” The reality is that money is an easy goal to work towards since it’s tangible. Yet while I want to continually earn more, I’m wary of making all growth revenue and money focused as there’s more to life than that. So, as I continue to grow, I learn to choose my goals and the stress that comes with it effectively.
Looking forward
This past quarter I set 4 big objectives:
· To improve my productivity and concentration through better organization
· To have a personal blog with 10,000 published words
· To have Video Husky serve 80 active customers
· To study 150 hours of Japanese (250 hours total)
Looking back, I didn’t achieve any of these objectives. But except for my personal blog objective, I’m happy with the progress that I’ve made in each other area. At the end of the quarter, I studied 107 hours of Japanese in Quarter 1 for a total of 200 hours, while Video Husky actively served 65 customers in March resulting in $30k MRR which means the company has doubled in size in three months. Moreover, I’ve figured out a new weekly schedule that ensures prioritizes studying Japanese and writing so I can grow faster in each area while constricting the time I spend on Video Husky so I only focus on what’s truly important.
Looking forward, I only have three OKRs this quarter:
· To launch a personal blog and platform
· To have Video Husky serve 135 active customers
· To study 200 hours of Japanese (400 hours total)
As learned from last quarter, less is more and so I’m hoping by focusing on less, I’ll be able to go farther within each area. With that said, while it’s hard to objectify this, perhaps what’s even more important than any of these objectives in the long run is that I want to approach life in a more positive manner. I joke that I’m perpetually dissatisfied and while it’s a great source of motivation it does mean that at the end of most days, I’m exhausted from the pressure I put on myself. Life will always bring problems and stress — it’s unavoidable and out of my control. But what’s within my control is how I approach these challenges, and so hopefully I’ll learn to smile more and approach life in a more positive manner!